these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
