i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
