i jhust puked up my retainher.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
