i think i have herpe
just one?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize