I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
