you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
