Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
