i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
