Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
