I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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