Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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