I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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