when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
