Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
