I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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