Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
