I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
