I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Holy sore nipples Batman
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize