I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Randomize
