I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
