Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
