That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
