I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
