Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
where am i from again
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize