Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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