having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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