Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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