Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
