so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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