What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
