I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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