Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
