dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
