And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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