i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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