you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
