i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
