just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
