Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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