Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
