Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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