its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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