we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
