i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
