WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize