We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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