we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize