Define "chronic" masturbator.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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