NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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