i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize