I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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