Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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