I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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