it hurts more in the daytime
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
