so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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