I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
