why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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