grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
