I will die if light touches me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
