Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
