OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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