I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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