I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you win again, gameday.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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