I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
