I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
