Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
