So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
