Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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