he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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