I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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