So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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